2014 Year in Review

What an awesome year it has been! And quite a busy one too, which is why I never made time to blog about it. :/ Highlights of my year... Of course the birth and first year of Katherine's life is at the top of my list. I love that she is a mommy's girl (because Abby is totally a daddy's girl). I love how different she and Abby are. It was (and still is) a struggle having two little ones so close in age (20 months apart), but now I am starting to reap the benefits. :) They are starting to play and interact more with each other, which melts my mommy heart!

 

Katherine at 5 months old :)

 

Abigail has grown a lot this year... from becoming a big sister and being potty-trained, to learning her ABCs, numbers up to 20, colors, shapes and nursery rhymes! We are SO proud of her! She is in the thick of her 'terrible twos' but I love and cherish when her sweet moments shine through!

 

Jim and I recently celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. This year was definitely tough to put our marriage first with learning how to live life with two little kids, but I am so thankful that he is my husband and I love him so very much. With all our changes this year, we started going to counseling to help deal with life and interact with each other in a more positive, meaningful way. I would recommend counseling to anybody! Our marriage is (and was) great, but counseling definitely makes our marriage and myself better! It really was a Godsend actually... we were looking for Christian counselors on our own and out of all the ones we contacted, only 2 responded and it didn't work out for us. But then who happens to get hired by CCV and moved into the office space right next to Jim's?? Yup, a marriage and family therapist who was offering her services for FREE for CCV employees! Thanks God!

Date night to see John Legend in concert back in August :)

 

I've been enjoying working with moms and babies. I'd still much rather be home with my own babies full-time, but that's not going to happen for this mama, so I just have to count my blessings (which I know are plenty!). As for work, I hope I can transfer to L&D sometime in the future... but as for right now, nobody will hire me without a BSN or without currently being enrolled in a BSN program. I would like to work somewhere closer too (the 45 minute to 1-hour commute on average is so tiresome after a 13-hour shift!), but only night positions are open and I definitely don't want to go back to nights right now (or ever, but that may be inevitable if I want to change positions)! I was able to switch to day shift this year, which really has made a world of difference. I love being home with my family every night, even though by the time I get home, it literally is bedtime. I come home, quickly change out of my scrubs, then breastfeed Katherine to sleep while Jim tries to put Abby to bed (which takes about 3 hours on average... the two's I tell ya!)

 

We've slowly added and personalized our home a bit more this year. We finally got our backyard landscaped, enclosed Jim's home office/man cave (it was an open sitting area when you first walked in, now there is a defined foyer and office) and changed our laundry room/mud room door from a regular door to a pocket-door (much needed for better functionality). Hoping for more home updates in 2015!

 

We went on our annual Podzius family vacation up north again to Prescott in the summer. Nice time to get away from the heat and spend quality time with family in a peaceful, relaxing place.  I look forward to our annual trips! Next year may be to the beach, we will see!

 

Plans/goals for 2015... So I started a little necklace business recently and hope to build on that more as time allows in 2015. I made my first sale in December and was proud of myself! Abby loves my necklaces, so even if they won't sell, I know one little girl that will wear and love them! ;) Another goal is to get in shape (yeah I know, so typical!) I'm actually kinda embarrassed to go back to the gym in January after being absent for a couple months. :/ But oh well, being one of those new year's resolution gym goers is better than staying sedentary at home! Also, I need to get organized and in a routine that incorporates regular exercise, a cleaning schedule and meal planning. This is always a plan for me, hopefully in 2015 I can make it happen.

My first necklace sale! :)

 

So that's me... my life this past year in a nutshell and my hopes for the year to come!

Grandparents

Pictures from Sunday when both sets of grandparents came for a visit!

 

What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And most importantly... cookies! ;)

 

First time Papa held Katherine

 

Admiring their 4th grandchild

Berda loves her grandbabies!

Lolo and Lola came to visit!

Happiness is spending time with their apos... Tagalog for grandchildren :)

 

 

Welcome, Katherine!

Katherine's birth story :)

 

On Friday I was already 40+ weeks and not looking forward to my 4 nights in a row of work starting the next day. I scheduled myself to work past my due date, because I was a week late with Abigail and this time I wanted to make sure the whole time off I had was going to be with my new, sweet baby girl Katherine. Well I had been having contractions throughout the day as usual (I'd been having frequent Braxton hicks contractions for weeks), but I called Jim around noon time to tell him that I think they were getting more painful, but weren't at regular intervals yet and could just be because I was up and running around with Abigail. So we went about our days and at around 2:30P.M. Abigail and I took a nap. During my nap, in my dream I remember saying "ouch!" because I kept having contractions! By the time we woke up at 4:30P.M. my contractions were definitely more painful and I was hesitant to say it but I think I knew I was in labor. I called Jim to let him know and he was wrapping up at his last client for the day and about to head home. Having already been through labor and working on the postpartum floor, I would've felt silly if I went into OB triage and it ending up being a false alarm, so I wanted to make sure. I started timing my contractions but couldn't keep an accurate record from the time Jim was driving home partly due to the pain and having to take care of Abigail at the same time. By the time he got home, we definitely knew we were in labor and would be heading to the hospital. Jim called his parents to meet them so they could watch Abigail while we were in the hospital and I also called my parents to let them know we were in labor. My mom was working that day, so she said she'd meet us in L&D after her shift. We got to the hospital just before 7:00P.M. I had to stop a few times from the parking lot to where L&D was on the second floor because my contractions were getting more painful and getting so close together! We walked back to the triage area where the triage nurse checked me and I was already at 7cm dilated with a bulging bag of water! She said she didn't know if I'd have time to get an epidural since I'm a multipara and could go fast. She said as long as my water didn't break yet I could still get it if the anesthesiologist got there in time. I was also worried because I knew I had to receive some antibiotics (at least 2 doses) before Katherine was born since I was GBS+ and if not (since I was anticipating a normal vaginal delivery), they most likely would've put Katherine in the nursery/NICU after birth for 48 hours of antibiotics/monitoring for sepsis prophylactically. They wheeled me back to our labor room and Taylor was our labor nurse. She was great but did have to poke me twice to get an IV in (with an 18 gauge no less, ouch!) and I was started on some IV fluids and my 1st dose of penicillin. Around 9pm, I finally got my epidural! I even surprised myself with how well I was handling my contractions this time around up until this point (breathing through the pain and trying to relax instead of tensing up) and was contemplating trying to go 'naturally' since I was so far along already but thought that it wasn't worth it knowing the exhaustion that was just shortly ahead that comes with caring and breastfeeding a newborn. Around 11:45P.M. I was ready for my second dose of PCN, and was happy that I made it that far without having to push yet, just needed to get in that dose and I'd be set! The doctor came in to check me and I was already at 10cm with a +2 station. I told her I couldn't start pushing yet because my medication wasn't done yet lol, but she said that was fine and that she'd like to see my baby drop a little lower anyway and would be back in after my dose was complete. Sure enough, after my second dose was completed, I was ready to push! Perfect timing. Surprisingly, I only pushed for less than 30 minutes! With each contraction I had, I pushed 3 times counting to 10 seconds of pushing each time. The doctor said after my first push, just a few more pushes and the baby would be out. I thought that she was just keeping me positive and encouraging me, but actually that's what happened! The labor and delivery definitely went A LOT faster with Katherine! Early Saturday morning at 1:25A.M. we welcomed our second daughter, Katherine Laurene Podzius to our family. She weighed 8lbs 2oz and was 20 inches long at birth.

 

 

 

She was named after my Aunt Catherine, who just had her birthday last week and the day Katherine was born was also the 6 month death anniversary of Grams (Jim's grandmother Laurene, which is Katherine's middle name). We were in the hospital a total of 45 hours. Katherine literally fed every hour! As a postpartum nurse, I have to keep track of baby feedings and I've never seen a baby feed so much! She was constantly at the breast, which is good just tiring and painful. It was exhausting. Later in the morning on the day I delivered (Saturday) I was transferred to a postpartum room. It was kinda weird being on the other side of patient care and having my co-workers take care of me, but also kinda nice that I knew everybody too. Elizabeth was my nurse on Saturday. She was also the nurse that precepted me when I was new to the postpartum unit. Connie was our night nurse and Ann was our nurse the day we got discharged. We received great care from everybody during our hospital stay and I'm proud to work with such caring ladies! After we left the hospital, we went to pick up Abigail from Berda and Papa's house (Jim's parents) and Abigail and Katherine met for the first time. It was also the first time for Papa, Pat and cousins Colton and Kenzie to meet Katherine. (Roberta and Laura met her in the hospital and so did my parents.) Abigail wasn't sure of what to think at first. She had a concerned look on her face, but then quickly warmed up to Katherine stroking her head, hugging and kissing her baby sister. So sweet. :) I am most looking forward to watching them grow up together and become best friends (well that's the hope anyway hehe).

 

Monday was our first full day at home and it was exhausting. Katherine was feeding every hour and was very fussy and not sleeping well. She would only want to sleep on me and would cry when I'd try to put her down. When my patients would say that their babies were still hungry and that they didn't have enough milk (and would request formula) I would secretly scoff because I've always learned that mothers (for the most part) do produce enough for baby's demands and the first few days the milk is called colostrum, not a huge quantity of it, but very concentrated and good for baby. Well after the day/night I had with Katherine, I totally sympathize for these mothers now and can understand what they are feeling. It was such a horrible feeling knowing your baby was still hungry but felt that I didn't have enough milk. I was hoping my milk would come in the next day and thankfully it did, phew! Katherine was a totally different baby today. But back to our Monday. Jim's mom came over in the afternoon with some groceries from Trader Joe's and made us a yummy dinner of roasted chicken and red potatoes. During the couple hours she was here was ironically the only time Katherine slept (best sleep I had since delivering her), so I definitely took advantage and took a nap as well.

 

Tuesday Katherine slept A LOT and seems content after each feeding. Such a difference my milk 'coming in' and a day makes! My parents came over today to bring us some home cooked meals and groceries and boy are we grateful for the wonderful parents we have!!!

 

Abigail and Katherine this morning. :)

 

I have been stressed with Katherine's health the past couple days. She is healthy, but her bilirubin level could be a concern. The hospital pediatrician wanted us to follow up in the bilirubin clinic the next day if I couldn't get an appointment with our pediatrician. We were able to get a last minute appointment with a different provider (bad idea). We think she was a new PA, very young and unprofessional. I would ask her a question and when she wouldn't know the answer she literally would just trail off into a mumble then change the subject. Happened twice. I didn't know they didn't do blood tests there and they didn't have a bilirubinometer there, so she wrote an order for the lab but it was closed yesterday due to the holiday. Needless to say, we will not be going back to her if our regular pediatrician at that clinic is unavailable. I could only schedule a lab appointment online, so I did that early this morning hoping they would have an opening today, but they don't do same day appointments. :( So we are going tomorrow to get a bilirubin blood draw. We won't get the results for at least a day, which is a concern to me if it is high, so hoping everything is okay. I am thinking about scheduling another newborn check up with a different provider (ours is out of town) just to have a second opinion to make sure everything is going okay. Katherine is not voiding and stooling as much as the charts say she should, and since her bilirubin level may be a concern, I just want a second opinion. It would definitely ease my anxiety. I will be calling first thing in the morning, hoping there is an appointment available.

 

So that is what life has been like for us the past several days! Mostly I have been caring for Katherine while Jim is hanging out and caring for Abby. It is so nice to have him home the next 2 weeks, but boy am I nervous for when he goes back to work! We are enjoying our time together and adjusting as a family of 4! We are feeling very, very blessed by the addition of Katherine to our family and all the love we've received from our family and friends. I'm hoping I will do a better job of updating my blog to keep up with Abigail and Katherine's milestones, but seeing that I will have even less time now, we shall see about that. ;)

2013 highlights and hopes for 2014!

2013... what a year it has been. I was pretty good about keeping my goals for 2013, mainly, I got hired as a postpartum nurse (dream job) and Jim and I sold our first home and moved into our dream home! If you want to read about my previous year, here's the link to my last year's review. :) http://janinapodzius.blogspot.com/2013/01/2012-in-review-2013-hopes.html

 

The highlights of our year:

 

Jim and I had been talking about growing our family and when would be the best time to start trying. I was still breastfeeding Abigail and not having a period, so when my birth control pill prescription ran out, I just never renewed it and thought whenever God decided to bless us with another baby then so be it. Well, I guess He wanted us to have 2 kids a little sooner than we thought, because just weeks after I finished my last pill, we found out we were pregnant again! I am so thankful that we've had 2 easy pregnancies- with Abigail and now Katherine. Now working in postpartum and having some antepartum patients on the unit, I realize I take so many things like a healthy pregnancy for granted. We ended up finding out we were pregnancy just shortly before Abigail's 1st birthday and announced it to our friends then. :)

 

I love the memories we created and the family/friends we got to visit with the trips we took to the Philippines, Chicago and Michigan this year. I don't know if we'll have any big trips in 2014... maybe Washington to visit some of my family for the holidays? We'll see. :)

 

Abigail turned 1 year old on May 8th and now she is almost 20 months old and a full-fledged toddler saying no to everything! We took away her bottles completely around 17 months and moved her to a toddler bed around 18 months. Lots of changes for our sweet little girl. Next on the list is potty training, but we are not going to stress about it for now. Abigail tells us sometimes when she has pee-pee or poo-poo in her diaper and runs to the potty and she has gone several times now in the potty, but we found that if we force it, we are just scaring her away from the potty and she is reluctant to even sit on it. So potty training will definitely be happening in 2014 for Abigail. Our big girl!

 

Selling our first home was bittersweet. We met with our realtor in January, put it on the market in March and sold it in May. So many memories there, including actually getting married inside our home, seeing our first house as newlyweds transform into a warm family home and Abigail's first 11.5 months of life were brought up in that home. We had great neighbors and lots of memories there. But our new home in Marley Park is perfect for us and where we plan our raising our family for at least the next 20 years.

 

Getting hired and starting my new job on postpartum in September was amazing. I really do feel so lucky to have a job I actually enjoy now! My new floor is much more enjoyable and for the most part, less busy and stressful. I do miss my old co-workers though. I know it'll just take time for me to develop new friendships on my new floor. It's nice working with my mom now too! I just think about how far I've come in my nursing journey so far and I actually feel proud of myself (which doesn't happen often). From my first nursing job in an all male prison facility (not joking!) to working on a high-stress and high-paced med-surg floor to now working with mommies and babies (where I knew my nursing passion has always been), it is just wonderful to me. Of course I would still rather be at home with my family full-time if I had the choice and we had the income to support that, but having a job I actually enjoy and knowing I am contributing and supporting us financially makes me proud too. I know I still need to go back to school eventually in the next few years, but I think we will have a lot on our plate this year learning to live life with a new baby and toddler that school will probably go on the back burner until at least 2015, unless we can somehow come up with the finances and time (I think I will have to go down to working part-time if I decided to go back to school to keep my sanity lol).

 

My dad has also been gone working in Washington for most of the year. He finally came home for good just a few days before Christmas and I am so glad he is home. :)

 

I also overcame my fear and started teaching Zumba classes! I've always loved dance, but to be the one in front of the class instead of just participating in it was a big accomplishment for me. But eventually, with a new nursing job and growing a baby inside of me, it got to be too much so I stopped teaching but I'm glad I did it for 6 months. :) Now my ZIN membership for the past 2 years wasn't a total waste lol.

 

2014- I have so much to look forward to this year!!! Starting with the birth of our daughter, Katherine. Seriously any day now. I still cannot believe I will be a mom of 2 little girls and that we will be a family of 4 (plus Jasper)! I'm also looking forward to hopefully switching to day shift after I return from maternity leave. I've been working nights for over 2 years now and I am done with it. The extra pay and no traffic sure are nice, but being able to be home every night to put my kids to bed and sleep next to my husband will be wonderful. I am also looking forward to all the home renovations we plan on doing! We have our annual Podzius family vacation in the summer, and it's always very relaxing and memorable. I'm excited to see where we'll be going this year.

 

2014 goals? Well definitely strive to trust and believe in God's promises more. I am such a worry wart but I think if I truly put my faith in Him, my burdens would feel lifted from me, but I'm still here anxious about everything. I'm glad I have Jim to balance me out, but I need to rely less on my husband to fulfill me and more on God. I plan on reading more books to help me become a better wife/mother especially during my late night feeds with Katherine. Finally learn how to use my craft cutter machine and camera. Oh, and the one that's probably on everyone's new year resolution list- get in shape! I think I was in the best shape of my life in 2013 before I got pregnant again, and now I am 50lbs heavier with this pregnancy. I am looking forward to losing the extra weight.

Thoughts that run through my mind at 2:00A.M....

It's come to that point in my pregnancy where I just feel FAT and UNATTRACTIVE. Yes, I believe pregnancy is a beautiful thing, growing another person inside of me is truly a miracle, but I can't help but feel a little shallow and bad for myself that I'm so big right now. I totally don't feel attractive. I get jealous a lot easier nowadays of beautiful, hot women who are my husband's type. Not that he gives me any reason to be jealous, he's not checking them out, I am. I just feel unattractive, even though he tells me that I'm beautiful, I just don't believe it. I don't want to turn into the person where you just know she's a mom by the way we looks and dresses (tired and kinda frumpy). I still want to look attractive to my husband. I mean, I'm only 25 years old and I feel like my body has aready gone through the ringer! Stretch marks and saggy breasts are just a natural part of the post-pregnancy body, but the young woman in me still wants to feel like I'm 25- youthful and beautiful. It's our 3 year anniversary coming up and originally I wanted to stay the night at a fancy hotel and have a nice, romantic night. Well, it looks like we're going to dinner and watching a hockey game instead. Which don't get me wrong, I am still excited for it (never been to a hockey game and the restaurant we plan on going to is so yummy), but I just miss having the romance in our lives, especially on a day such as our anniversary. I know, I know, I think I live in a fantasy world sometimes thinking that life should be like the movies. With a 1.5 year old and another baby on the way, romance is kinda kicked to the bottom of the list naturally. I've never had high self-esteem growing up, but when I met my husband I believe it shot up because of all the  compliments he would give me, but now I feel like a low self-esteemed teenager again, especially with evils such as facebook (my husband really think it's bad for me since I compare myself to other girls on there). I think facebook can be a wonderful thing- I've kept in contact with relatives that live far away and they can see everything that's going on in my life nowadays, old friends that I've reunited with, other friends that I've kept in touch with, etc. But there is a bad side to facebook as well... everyone (for the most part) just posts the good in their lives, the picture perfect depiction of what they want the public to see of them. Which, hey, I'm so guilty of too. But when I'm emotional on a night like this, it just doesn't help to see someone's instabrag post pop up.

34 weeks!

We are now almost 34 weeks (tomorrow) along with Katherine! Although I am so excited to finally meet her, a part of me is sad that Abigail will not be the only child anymore. Right now she had all of my attention and I wonder how she will react to a new baby sibling. I'm not sure she understands that there's a baby in mommy's tummy right now. I hope she doesn't feel neglected after Katherine is born. That would break my heart. :( I am so worried about how I am going to manage my time and attention with 2 little ones in the home. The major sucky part is that I have to go back to work after only 5 weeks of maternity leave. I told myself I would definitely take a longer maternity leave this time around with Katherine (I was only allowed 6 weeks with Abigail) but it turns out I couldn't change my insurance plan at work and add short term disability be to able to still get a portion of my pay while on maternity leave. :( I told Jim how important it was to be to stay home with Katherine longer, especially while trying to adjust to having 2 kids under 2, but I guess we just haven't been budgeting for it (I ahd assumed we were), which was a major shock for me. I don't want to blame it on him (but I guess I kinda am)... he is the one who does our budget and pays all our bills. After I found out, I vowed I would be more involved with our budget. And if anything ever happened to Jim, I need to know how to pay my own bills and since I do make half the income, I should know. But finding that out was definitely a shock to me. I totally thought we were budgeting this whole time for me to be on a longer maternity leave. I actually have 4 weeks paid which isn't bad compared to 0 days paid with Abigail. A cool thing my hospital does is that an employee can donate their PTO to another employee and my mom so willingly said she would donate 3 days to me! (Which actually equals a week since I work 3 12.5 hour shifts) I just hope we get all the paperwork turned in in time and approved. Ugh I hate all this talk about money. Of course money is not more important to me than my children, but it stresses me out thinking of how tight we will be (or more in debt we will become) if I don't go back to work in the time-frame that we discussed. I'm still hoping I can be off longer, but we will see. I already talked to my manager who agreed to let me come back to work part-time (2 days/week) until I am 8 weeks postpartum, then I'll go back to work full time (3 days/week). It stinks that the more money you make, the more money you seem to spend. I wonder why we still have debt with 2 full-time decent incomes. It is just annoying. There are too many "things" that I want, which is so stupid. I wish I could purge all these earthly desires and not care about how my home looks and not wish my home looked like the ones I see on HGTV. But anyway, back to what I was saying about work. I also talked to my manager about switching to day shift after Katherine is born. It makes me sad when I leave home on the week nights for work and Jim had a super busy, stressful day and Abigail is fussing and nothing seems to calm her down. :( I just want to stay home and make it all better, but I can't. If I worked day shift, at least I would be home every night and we could split the nighttime duties together instead of it being all on him when I am at work. It looks like I am next on the list to be moved to day shift (the other nurse who was in front of me informed me yesterday that she decided to stay on nights) and I just found out they hired another nurse for nights, but there are currently no openings for day shift. I am hoping that by the time I go back to work after maternity leave there will be a spot open for me.

 

 

So in the past week, we finally got mostly everything moved to their appropriate rooms. The only thing left is the crib. The crib is still in Abigail's old bedroom where she still sleeps at night. Her new room is all set up and waiting for her, but she just does not want to sleep in her toddler bed yet. Although Katherine's room is not decorated yet, I have all her newborn to 3-month old clothes washed and ready to wear and diapers/wipes ready. Just the crib needs to go in the room! (Which is a major part of the nursery lol.) But we're thinking Katherine will probably sleep in our room the first 3 months, then hopefully by the end of that time, Abigail will be well adjusted to her toddler bed and everythign will be just dandy. *One can only hope!*

 

 

I still don't know where we are going to deliver. I thought delivering at my hospital was supposed to be way cheaper (supposedly only paying for the doctor fees and not room/board) but our bill last time still ended up being at least a thousand if I remember correctly (for an uncomplicated routine delivery!). It may also be the type of insurance plan I have though. If I deliver at the hospital where our normal OB doctor delivers, it would definitely be more, but I don't know how much more. It also depends on if my water breaks while I'm at work or if I'm at home going into labor. My work is about 40 minutes without traffic and up to an hour and a half with and the other hospital is only 15-20 minutes away. But I know we need to decide though so the hospital can already have all our prenatal care records and such.

 

 

I really wonder when I'm going to deliver this time around. With Abigail, I was exactly 1 week overdue. But with Katherine I feel like I will delivery sooner, hopefully not too much sooner though, we definitely need all the time we can get! I really hope she waits at least until after New Year's, preferrably until January 10th, because that is my Tita Catherine's bday (aunt she is being names after) and also my dad's birthday! And I know that would just make then overjoyed if she was born on their birthday. And I would feel so bad if she was born on or right around Christmas, due to fear of her not feeling special on her birthday or getting gypped with gifts. But we shall see when she decides it's time to make her grand entrance. :)
 

So Abigail is almost 19 months (will be on Dec. 8!). This past month I feel like she has had so many words have been added to her vocabulary! Words that she says often (old and new) now: mama, mommy, daddy, Abby, puppy, Japer (Jasper) no, down (when talking to Japser), "ow-sigh" (outside), nice (while petting Jasper or something soft lol), Papa, Berda, nummy (when she sees us eating something she knows tastes yummy and wants a bite lol), mo (more), apple, sun, baby, boon (meaning ballon), ba (ball), ovoooo (love you), up, buh-bye and muah when she sees someone leaving, my (mine), owee (when she had a boo boo and wants us to kiss it), shoes, feet, sos (socks), yeah and yay! I worry that she is not talking as much as some other toddlers her age, but Jim is not worried at all. I know she's okay, but I'm just a worry wart and I'm glad I have Jim to balance me out. :) She understand mostly everything we tell her to do, which I think is so cool. I am so proud of her and love her so, so much!!!!!!!

24 weeks!

Today marks that baby Katherine has been growing inside of me for 24 weeks! In just 16 short weeks (give or take a couple), we will be the proud parents of 2 girls. SO crazy. Even though I am obviously pregnant, it is so diffcult for me to comprehend that Katherine (or when I was pregnant with Abigail) is growing INSIDE of me. And when I google pictures of babies at __ weeks old in utero, it boggles my mind that that is what my baby looks like inside of me! Pregnancy/life is truly a miracle and blessing from God.
 

In my last blog post, I announced that I was going back to school. I thought I had made up my mind... but I think I'm chickening out for now. I feel like I am finally starting become a better wife/mother with cooking homemade meals on a consistant basis (cooking has constantly been a struggle for me) and balancing life. Even though I do believe there's no better time than now, I just think I will be too stressed out/overwhelmed/sleep deprived if I go back to school now. I know my girls will want my attention even more as they get older, but while Katherine will be a newborn and Abigail not even 2 years old, I feel like when I'm not at work, I really need to focus my energy on my family. I've been sooo back and forth about this, but I'm pretty sure that's my decision for now. It amazes me how people can juggle working 5 days a week, going back to school and a family, but at the same time, I feel like something will have to give. So just thought I'd give you all the update with me and school. I do officially have until January 1, 2020 to get my BSN, but work is constantly encouraging (or pressuring?) us to go back now and get it.

Speaking of work, I am now working on postpartum!!! I like the work so much better. :) I knew I would. As a nurse, working in OB is truly where my passion lies. But it is still kinda depressing though... the patient population we get is just disheartening some/most of the time. Seriously, drug-addicted antepartum mothers who didn't 'know' they were pregnant (we're talking well into the 2nd trimester), mothers of 8 kids and counting, mothers who don't want their babies but don't want to give them up for adoption either, unwed teenage pregnancies pregnant with their 2nd or 3rd already, don't speak English, illegal, father in jail or getting deported, mother in jail, no insurance (I'm glad my hospital doesn't judge and will accept anyone, but after you see the same cases over and over it's easy to lose heart) aaand so on. So working in postpartum at my hospital is definitely not all rainbows and butterflies. But despite all that, I do like my new job, definitely more than my old floor. I've been orienting on day shift and that has been wonderful. Even though they commute to work is literally an hour long with traffic (compared to 40 minutes at night), it is worth it to be able to be home in time to put Abigail to bed and sleep next to Jim every night. I really hope I can transfer to day shift in the next year. Working nights is really tough on me and I know it's only going to get harder once Katherine comes along.

Anyway, I LOVE that the weather is cooling down! Yay for fall. Yesterday Jim and I were able to hang out on our front porch again after Abigail went to bed (first time since before summer). I am so excited for the holidays in our new neighborhood. I really hope I get Halloween off so we can either pass our candy and met our neighbors that way or just walk around while everyone is out. :) And I'm so excited for Christmas time and seeing all the Christmas lights while we take our nightly walks!